Tuesday, 19 May 2009

"Your son should have died. Give me 3 examples of why that might be true."

Source: Wikimedia

So you guys think you have a tough life? The question in the title is (to my memory, which is my story) an actual question Katie asked of a participant in a workshop. The participant's child had committed suicide.

"Your son should have died. Give me 3 examples of why that might be true."

1. "He was in pain. It was a torture for him to live. Life had become hell, and dying was a relief."
2. "He wanted to die. If I really loved him, I would want for him exactly what he wanted. He wanted to die, and I am glad he managed to fulfil his desire."
3. "He was taking too much time and attention away from the other children. His death was an act of compassion, so that the others would be taken care of. And here I am wasting my time moaning his death when it was such a beautiful gift for the other children, and a chance for me to reconnect."

"If you can find one example, you can find two. If you can find two, you can find three. If you can find three, you can find four. Go on. Find some more."

4. "The financial resources of the family were being sorely taxed. He should have died because the family couldn't possibly have sustained him in any form of comfort that he would have needed to survive from his problem."

"If you can find four, you can find five."

5. "He should have died so that I wouldn't have had to worry about him anymore. I was worrying about him all day and night. Now he's gone, and I don't have to worry about him feeling any pain any more. He's free from pain. And here I am recreating the pain in my own mind and feeling it for him. He's free!"

And if you have issues with any of the reasons, it will very likely have to do with cultural programming that says something like "you shouldn't be happy about death" or "it's not proper to put money over life". You know what? If you can find a single stress-free reason to keep those ideas, let me know.

NOTE: I do not represent Byron Katie's work. The questions are hers, and the explanations are mine. It is my way of relating to them. I have a deep respect and appreciation for The Work, but I am not affiliated with them.

No comments: